Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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