Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she peed on how many people?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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