I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
