Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
