if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
