it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
