Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
