what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Randomize
