Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
