She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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