But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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