someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
