im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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