He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm both gender and math confused
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
