Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
