Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
