Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
