I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
