If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
