There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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