i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
