I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
