Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
