i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
