She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
