I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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