if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
