Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
