Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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