Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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