What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
