I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
