I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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