so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
