I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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