when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
