i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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