Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
