I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
