census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i think my cat just said my name.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
