I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
