You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
