your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
