I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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