I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
