finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
