i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
