Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
