You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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