I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
