if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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