I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dicks are not precious.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
