I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
