i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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