garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
